hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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