Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
