Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
