I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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