just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
