Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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