Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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