haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
