a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
