There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize