First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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