Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
