You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
