Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
