I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
