just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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