And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
