you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
