why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
