nut hugger
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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