Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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