How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
