If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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