You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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