my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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