I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
