Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
