Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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