I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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