her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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