Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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