You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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