I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
