i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
