dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
