my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
