At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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