happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize