Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we're making bets on your personal life
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
