no, he came in my armpit
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
