Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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