My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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