Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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