so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
