4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
