I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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