I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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