she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
