Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
