My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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