I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She said her name was "party"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
