Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
