you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
