i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
