U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
