Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we're making bets on your personal life
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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