people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
