# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
