I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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