Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
