I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
