that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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