I heard we made out
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
