Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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