my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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