you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
