I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
