If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
