if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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